Definitely NOT my better days

So the word and feeling of the day is gross.

If you are a fellow mother, you will understand this.

The past couple days have been busy - doing what mothers do best - take care of every one BUT themselves. I have not had the opportunity to shower in a day or two. Usually the kids will nap in unison at some point in the day - giving me some free time - but not so recently. Mornings are usually me getting kids up and at'em while Josh gets ready for work. When Josh gets home, I'm usually busy getting supper on, kids fed, cleaning up messes (well that's a nonstop, all day chore), giving kid's bath and ready for bed, picking up more messes, and trying to squeeze any amount of time with Josh. By that time, everyone is in bed or getting ready to - I'm exhausted. Did I mention I haven't had a full night sleep in 3 years? I'm so busy making sure every one else is taken care of that I tend to push my physical and emotional needs aside. Not that I choose to intentionally but feel forced to.

This morning, I woke up feeling utterly gross, unattractive and downright sad. Of course I got up with Myla and was trying to keep her happy. Then Josh comes out, showered, refreshed. I told him I needed a shower and haven't had one in days...he just looked at me with pure disgust and said "that's gross!" and he backed away from me like I had some sort of disease. I felt more attractive after giving birth than at this moment. All I want to do is cry. Am I getting uglier? I look our wedding photos, admiring what I once looked like, felt like. I want to be that person again. I want to be viberant, fun and outgoing. Where did that go??
How can I get back to that? That is my goal for this year. Now the hard part is finding the person I once was. Where do I start?

I just want to add (kind of like a disclaimer) :

I do want to add that Josh is a wonderful husband and father. He is not a bad guy or has no intentions of misdoing either. I feel like I am the one doing the harm on myself. I just need to find ways to dig myself out of this hole I dug myself into.